The All Family Project

When there is no dialog, there is only one voice saying whatever it wants to say – and whether or not you agree with that one voice, you have to listen because there are no others. The lack of dialog may be because there really is only one voice – but how often is that the case?  Most often, if there is no dialog, it’s because the one voice doesn’t allow any others.

Two times, The All Family Project tried to rent space on billboards in Salt Lake City – and both times, we were turned down.  CBS Outdoor was the first – they declined our artwork due to “market sensitivity.” The second refusal came from Yesco, who stated more specifically that the LDS is very strong and they feared being hurt financially if they ran our advertising.  In other words, the voice of the LDS Church does not want other voices in their community.

Of course, they are perfectly willing to put their message into every other community on the planet.  Who hasn’t had an LDS member come to their door and try to talk you into believing what they believe?  The influence of the LDS on the passing of Proposition 8 in California is reported by many…including one LDS member who informed me that leaders in the church encouraged the support of Proposition 8 financially and any other way they could.

We don’t want the LDS to be denied the right to their beliefs.  We believe in American ideals of religious freedom, free speech, and the inalienable right…to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Don’t they believe the same?  If so, then why suppress other voices? Why persecute other people because of how they were born? Why deny others the same values the LDS Church hold?  Of what are they afraid?

The LDS Church wants one voice…theirs.  And they will go to great lengths to ensure that’s all you hear.

We will go to great lengths to ensure otherwise.

I’ve been asked a few times why I’m doing this.  “This,” being The All Family Project.  Typically -  just prior to the question – I’ve outed myself as a happily married straight guy with three kids, living in the suburbs.  (Blank stare…open mouth…close mouth….”huh.”)  Most of the time the response is positive and encouraging but every once in a while this revelation causes both gay and straight people to question me…as if to suggest that it isn’t my struggle so why am I involved.

In the past I’ve responded like Bobby Green did when he was questioned why he helped Reginald Denny druing the riots after the Rodney King verdict in Los Angeles in 1992:  one must be willing to defend the rights of others if one demands rights for oneself.  That’s true of course, and I agree.  However, I do not need to demand the same “rights” that The All Family Project advocates for gay and lesbian couples and their families…being married and straight, I already have them.  That fact doesn’t diminish the sentiment but perhaps it changes it a bit…I advoate for gay and lesbian couples and their families, what I and my family enjoy.  Stating it like that might make it more accurate but it also reopens the question, “Why?”

At a business mixer this evening I was having this very conversation with a fellow and he mentioned part of a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King.  I Googled the snippet and found the entire quotation…and another good reason to be involved:

“Man’s inhumanity to man is not only perpetrated by the vitriolic actions of those who are bad, it is also perpetrated by the vitiating inaction of those who are good.”

Our current video project is about family – which should come as no surprise. It features interviews with two couples, each individual telling the interviewer about family life, their relationships and their children. The project has been brewing for months and I approached the first day of filming with excitement and high expectations. (Okay, I was positively giddy.)  What transpired however, was most wonderful.  I went in thinking it was going to be great.  When I captured the footage and reviewed it on my computer…I was astounded.

These beautiful, honest and sincere subjects moved me in a way I couldn’t have hoped for.  They are the essense of what The All Family Project is about.  They are quintessential families and I was privileged to be there when they shared some of their innermost feelings.  I daresay you will be moved as well.

The policical and religious polarization in our culture exaggerates our differences.  In “normal” social discourse it might be difficult to tell Conservatives from Liberals, Christians from Atheists – but once the labels come out, each one falls back on their particular narrative and the shouting match begins.  And it is a shouting match because an argument implies there can be a winner…but in this match, no one plans on losing…let alone having their minds changed.

We understand there are differences between all of us but we feel that our sense of community with each other will grow when everyone focuses on how we are similar.  The All Family Project uses photographic essays to demonstrate those similarities and soon we will use video as well.  The imagery is powerful and I thought long and hard about what that power was.  Then I watched the rough edit of the video again and it hit me - it is the power to astound.  If one can be astounded, one can be moved to understand another person – even if just a little.  With enough understanding, we as a culture might melt some of that polarization.

I received one of those emails the other day. The sender had forwarded a PowerPoint presentation to a group of us, typing (earnestly, I imagine,) “Because I care.”  The slide show was all about a “bio-chip” being developed by a well known company and the viewer was urged to avoid getting the chip because it was clearly the infamous “Mark of the Beast” referred to in Revelation.  The author of the slide show revealed various details about the chip, such as the optimum placement of the device in the human body, being able to track it via GPS, that removing it would endanger the life of the host, and that one would need it to buy stuff.  A few scriptures later and we are to be convinced that it is indeed, the dreaded “666.”

We were then encouraged to Google a few key words and learn the truth for ourselves.  So I did and of course, found a site going step-by-step through the slide show, explaining how the author had got it wrong. The site mentioned that even biblical scholars disagree on how modern inventions tie in to scripture in Revelation.

I’ll assume the author of the slide show was honestly trying to do a good thing and not just intentionally creating a hoax to mislead Christians.  (I assume that because the person who forwarded the email to me assumed it!)  Just because one honestly believes that something is right, doesn’t mean it’s true.  It doesn’t matter how sincere one is about what they feel in their heart – you don’t get to make up stuff to prove your point.

What we know in our heart, what we feel in our gut – must be verified against what we can learn in our brain.  Our feelings can deceive us.  Our gut instinct  can be way off the mark. Testable, verifiable observation will tell us the next step we should take…but we must be willing to let go of the made-up stuff.

The All Family Project is about testable, verifiable observation. Stuff gets made up about Gay and Lesbian families all the time and unwitting believers forward the message “because they care.” The AFP encourages them to observe the photographic essays we publish, read the scholarly studies we share, challenge the narrative they hear from their leaders, and allow their feelings to catch up to their intellect.

Why am I doing this?  Because I care.

An important part of any education is imagery. With text we
understand the principles being described and we intellectualize
the content. One can read that the children of Gay and Lesbian
parents have the same chances at “normal,” well-adjusted lives as
their counterparts with heterosexual parents – and one can agree or
disagree with the assertion. Often, whether or not we (the general
public) agree or disagree with scholarly research has more to do
with our life experience or lack thereof. It is that lack of
experience we seek to address with The All Family Project.

When I speak to someone on the phone (let’s call him ”Mike,”) I can’t help but form an image of Mike in my mind. I see him (in my mind’s eye) very clearly and make decisions about Mike’s weight, hair color, race, age, etc. The image is intensified every time I speak to him. Even when speaking to others about him the image I created comes to mind, and I might describe him thus, should anyone ask what Mike looks like.

Then I meet Mike and for a period of time I am off balance because it is hard to reconcile the image in my mind with the reality of what Mike looks like. But there is no denying that Mike is not a short, heavy-set cacausion with blond hair and blue eyes in his mid 30′s. He is in fact a tall, thin Asian man with salt and pepper hair, dark eyes and pushing 60!

We can’t help ourselves…we hear a voice, we read something, and we create an image in our minds. The made-up image combines with our thoughts and beliefs and we form an opinion.  Even when faced with reality, it is hard to let go of the image and the opinion we formed. The longer we’ve had the image and opinion in our minds, the harder it is to let go.

Had I been handed a picture of Joe before ever speaking to him, my attention would more likely be on what Joe was saying, and while I might still have formed an opinion based on his image, it would be balanced against what I heard.  When I meet Joe in person, I am not off balance trying to reconcile any incongruity between what I thought I knew with what I see to be true.

A focus of The All Family Project is to publish photographs of Gay and Lesbian families – photos depicting the daily activities they engage in:  taking kids to school, attending recitals, going to church, making dinner, reading to their children, helping them with their home work.  We do this to educate the general public that the lives of Gay and Lesbian families are not so different from their heterosexual counterparts.

One picture may tell the story of one moment in time, but with enough pictures, maybe we can tell the whole story.  After seeing the story, folks will still form opinions but will do so after seeing what is actually there – not just what’s in their mind’s eye.